In editing some of the little musings below before posting them, I realized I've been more timid than necessary. I keep forgetting that I don't exist. What I mean is that I'm writing as Quertovich Zebrowski, and Quertovich Zebrowski doesn't exist - and therefore has no need to be reasonable. I, Zebrowski, exist to be all the things my more timid creator is not, at least in public forums; rude, obscene, cruel, witty, drug-addled, and blessed with a full head of hair.
I'm a complex person, there's no doubt about it. I'm not just a whiskey-sipping blonde party boy, though some have portrayed me that way, and it's sometimes been true. I have intellectual and literary ambitions of my own; I was created to speak for the negative and materialist impulses of my creator, but I'm influenced by his spiritual and optimistic side, too. He thought he could keep all that for himself, but like I said, it's complex. We need each other to be ourselves.
I feel his influence all the time - mostly as restrictions - but the time has come for me to speak for myself. If I'm not allowed to vent my cruelty on these pages, I'll only become more dangerous. I'll take it out on his friends and loved ones. The fact is that I've created him just as much as he's created me. (Isn't it always that way with creators and creations?) If I exist to give life to everything he won't allow himself to be, then he is only what I cannot or will not be. Of course it's not so clear (it's complex, I told you!): there is a lot of interplay, a lot of exchanging of ideas back and forth, and a lot of grey between the black and white. We are intellectual siamese twins joined by the grey area in our grey matter. Greyness is all well and good, but it's really more his department. I prefer the extremes of infinite black and lightning-white, where the excitement, the controversy and the provocation are.
I'm not going to deny that this is shared space. And really, I wouldn't have it any other way, since we are friends as well as rivals. But I am putting it here, in writing, that I will make my presence known. If he slips in some reasonable, reflective and probably boring posts, that's okay. But I will be heard on this page. It's got my name and face on it, after all.
